Stay at home Mom vs. Working mom

So this week has been a week from hell.

At work it is by far our busiest week of the year. We've got taxes, 10K's, Proxy season and a board meeting all going on right now. Basically everyone is grumpy and no matter how much we prepared ourselves for this week, everything is going wrong.

At home, Emi has been very sick. Strep throat, ear infection, bronchitis and last night began the throwing up. How's a kid supposed to get better when they can't even keep the antibiotic down. It's been nuts!

Emi was home with Eric on Monday, Eric's mom came over yesterday and Emi is over at Eric's mom's today. I'm scrambling to find someone to watch her tomorrow and finally told Eric, he's it. I can't do it. Did you hear that? I can't do it. I the mother, cannot stay home with my sick kid because I am too worried about making my boss angry. I'm too worried about the unemployment check I would be picking up at the end of the week. More then any of that, I care about my co-workers as though they really give a rats ___ about me, and I'm worried about screwing them over. It's sickening.

The turmoil you go through as a working mother (if the father is not at home) is absolutely crazy. It's not worth it. I have come to the conclusion that I'd rather live on the verge of poverty then have to deal with this anymore. I want to be the one home with her, I want to be the one comforting her, I want to be able to say, "Okay" when she is begging me not to go to work. If it's this much trouble with one, imagine it with two. Two sick kids, probably at different times, during this time of year? I'd get fired.

I used to say that there was no point in having children if you were going to let someone else raise them. Then I gave in. To society, pressure to have money, to have THINGS, to keep up. But, on weeks like this, it's not worth it. I don't make enough $$ to make it worth it. Even if I did, would it still really be worth it? Probably not is my guess.